Overboard (1987)

It's a Kurt Russell bonanza!

We're shifting from Kurt Russell's more serious works like Big Trouble in Little China to one of his classically mediocre comedy pieces, Overboard. Co-starring his real life sex partner, Goldie Hawn's ass, Kurt Russell shows that if you're crafty enough, you, too, can have your very own sex slave!

Here's the ridiculous story: Goldie Hawn is a rich bitch who hires Kurt Russell to build her some shelves on her million dollar yacht. Then she stiffs him on the bill because he uses the wrong wood. That night, she falls OVERBOARD (hence the title) and suffers from amnesia, forgetting everything about herself. Kurt Russell collects her and convinces her that she's his wife and forces her to be his housekeeper and take care of his four boys. Then he does her.

I love this movie because it's un-PC approach to comedy is pure 80s. Basically what we're talking about here is kidnapping. Kurt Russell kidnaps Goldie Hawn and forces her to be his slave. And even though she's legally married to another man, he still takes it upon himself to bang her. And the best part? She never even gets that mad about it! He's got her scrubbing toilets and doing laundry and making dinner like she's some sort of Mexican housemaid (watch out for Arnold!) and she's cool with it.

Seriously, though, this movie is harmless fun with two strong leads with good chemistry and there's some classic 80s humor (no gross-out humor, no cursing, no overtly sexual stuff). Of course Goldie falls for Kurt and his kids by the end even though he enslaved her. It's just light-hearted fun even if places the illegal sex trade in a positive light.

There's some talk of remaking this movie with Jennifer Lopez. Please don't. If her fat ass falls into the ocean, no one's fishing that bitch out.

Why It's Awesome: There's one thing that really makes this movie stand out: Goldie Hawn's ass. Wow. This bitch is heroin thin but that caboose ain't too bad.

Best Quote:

[Annie holds a pair of women's panties]

Billy: Annie, those are my underwear.

Annie: Yours?

Billy: I don't mean I wear 'em. They belong to a girlfriend of mine.

Annie: But what about Gertie?

Billy: I'm sorry, Annie...I got horny.