The Lost Boys (1987)

Is there a better 80s horror movie than The Lost Boys?

The answer is no...there is not. This is what vampires looked like in the 80s. Compare these badass vampires to the sopping wet pussy vampires in Twilight and you'll quickly discover why the 80s were the pinnacle of the popcorn flick while today's movies are nothing but tampons clogging up the vagina of cinema. How about that for a metaphor?

In this totally sweet 80s flick two brothers move to the murder capital of the world (surprisingly it isn't Cleveland) off the coast of California. The older brother is recruited by a gang of teenage vampires and turned into a half-vampire so the younger brother has to team up with a pair of badass brothers to win back his brother from the undead!

The 80s are alive and well in this one. You've got the first pairing of the Coreys (Corey Haim and Corey Feldman), dudes with perms, a complaint about not being able to watch MTV, and one of the vampires is even Bill S. Preston from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. EXCELLENT! Oh, and the band playing at the carnival, the jacked-up steroid monkeys with no shirts playing saxophone solos...if you told me to draw a picture of the 80s, I would draw those dudes.

I remember watching this movie as a kid and thinking it was just about the greatest thing I had ever seen...and I was right! There was a reason the Coreys were able to bottom out later in life and that reason is because of all the coke they were able to buy from being so goddamn sweet in the 80s! They're hilarious in this movie, especially Corey Haims. The blend of humor and horror is perfectly done. And one can't mention The Lost Boys without mentioning Kiefer Sutherland's role as head(?) vampire, David. He's cool and mysterious and dangerous. He's everything that bitch Edward Cullen WISHES he could be.

The movie may not follow all the vampire rules to the letter, but it kicks so much ass, really, who cares? That final battle with the Emerson/Frog brothers vs. The Lost Boys still gives me chills as the camera zooms in toward the house, and it delivers with a vampire-slaying bloodbath.

Oh, and who can forget grandpa's final line of the movie that basically compares vampires to black people.

Why It's Awesome: The metaphor of being a teenager and trying to fit in in a new town may be obvious, but it's well done. Directing, acting, and effects are all house here, and the writing is serviceable enough to keep the audience entertained until the last vampire is slain.

Best Quote:

Sam: You're a vampire Michael! My own brother, a goddamn, shit-sucking vampire. You wait 'till mom finds out, buddy!