The Grey (2011)

Every Lliam Neeson movie should just be titled Lliam Neeson vs. (fill in the blank).

Batman Begins = Lliam Neeson vs. Batman
Star Wars = Lliam Neeson vs. The Dark Side
Schindler's List = Lliam Neeson vs. Nazis

This one would be titled Lliam Neeson vs. Computer-Generated Twilight Wolves. This movie took a lot of heat upon its release for not depicting wolves in an accurate light. The people who make this complaint are jackasses. This movie is not a film about a bunch of dudes in Alaska getting picked off by wolves; no, this is a nihilistic movie about how God hates us and all you can do is flip Him the bird and fight until you can't fight anymore.

Lliam Neeson is up to his usual tricks in this one. Let's see, he starts out the film by trying to eat an entire gun. When that doesn't work out, he falls out of a plane instead. He shakes that off and then gathers the other survivors who don't do anything but bitch and moan most of the time. Then, in addition to the freezing temperatures and harsh conditions, the giant wolves from Twilight show up and start ripping out people's intestines. Lliam Neeson then recites a poem, walks into the wolf den, and bare knuckle boxes the Alpha male. Apparently the battle is so intense we're not even allowed to witness it because the movie ends right as the fight starts...which is really the only part of the movie I really, really wanted to see.

The movie is super depressing and bleak (like the chances of anyone facing off against Lliam Neeson) and it certainly isn't the typical man vs. wolf thriller I was expecting going in. As much as I enjoyed it, there are two ways this movie could have been even better.

1) The movie should have just been Lliam Neeson locked in a room with a pack of real-life wolves. Only one creature is allowed to exit the room. The movie basically writes itself.

2) The pack of wolves should have TAKEN Lliam Neeson's daughter and attempted to sell her into an illegal white girl sex ring in Paris, forcing Lliam Neeson to use a particular set of skills to get her back.

In conclusion, if you want to be depressed and feel like life is controlled by a mean-spirited and indifferent God who will send a pack of wolves to eat you after you survive a plane crash, then fall into THE GREY!

Why It's Awesome: It's Lliam Neeson vs. Wolves.

Best Quote:

Ottway:  I'm going to start beating the shit out of you in the next five seconds (classic Neeson).