Snatch (2000)

In honor of the release of The Expendables...WITH A VENGEANCE, this month is man month at Captain 69's retro movie reviews.

The first man movie is Snatch, a Tarrentino-esque British flick about underground boxing and a diamond heist but best known for Brad Pitt speaking gibberish.

You can tell this is a man movie because there's not a single chick in it. Not a single main character (and there are many) has a vagina...not one. There's no lame tacked on love story or some 90-lb. chick who kicks guys asses or any of that Hollywood bullshit. The only chicks in the movie are strippers and that's the way it should be. The other way you can tell this is a man movie is because it has Vinnie Jones in it.

Vinnie Jones = man movie

This flick has everything a guy wants in a movie: illegal boxing matches, Russian gangsters, fake Jews, incompetent black gangsters, some dude whose nickname is "The Head," unintelligible gypsies, dismemberment, some dude who only has four fingers, corpses being fed to pigs, slow motion fighting, Vinnie Jones delivering an elaborate monologue comparing three dudes to a dick and balls, arson, tons of profanity, a dude getting shot a dozen times and surviving, and a dog that shits a diamond.

My only complaint is that Jason Statham is a main character (whose name is Turkish...which is awesome) and he doesn't drive a single car onto a moving train or off a building onto a parking deck. C'mon! What the hell is the point of having Jason Statham in a movie if he's not going to take part in a barrage of "Nuking the Fridge" moments?

The plot unfolds similar to movies like Pulp Fiction where several stories are going on at once and intersect throughout until it all ends in a nice, neat package, but what most people remember about the flick is Pitt's portrayal of the pikey, Mickey. You can't understand a fucking word this guy says and he can knock your ass out with a single punch...now that's a character.

This movie dispenses helpful advice, too, like Beware any man who keeps a pig farm. That one has kept me out of a lot of trouble...

Why It's Awesome: Violence, profanity, and no chicks to muddle things up. That's a man movie...or a gay porno...but in this case, it's a man movie!

Best Quote:

Brick Top: Do you know what nemesis means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent, personified in this case by a 'orrible cunt...ME!