Ugh.
The sequel to one of the most shocktastic movies ever made (The Human Centipede) showed up on Netflix's instant watch so I forced myself to watch it. I didn't want to. I really had to psych myself up to watch it - like psyching oneself up for a colonoscopy. It was bad but not I-have-someone-else's-lips-stapled-to-my-asshole bad. No wait! It was that bad.
The story for the sequel is basically a fan letter to the original. A psychotic and retarded midget (not joking) named Martin is so obsessed with the original movie that he decides to make his own human centipede but instead of three people, he's going to make a 12-person centipede! The only problem is he has no medical background so instead he uses everyday tools like a hammer, pliars, and a staple gun to make his creation. Yeah, it's gross...
After watching the sequel, I actually enjoy the first flick more than I originally did (which was not at all). At least that one tried to have a plot. This one had none at all. The first half of the movie was Martin collecting people to make the centipede (he manages to collect associates who had wronged him, total strangers, a pregnant chick, and even one of the girls who starred in the first movie!) and the second half is him actually making the centipede (which is surprisingly not difficult at all).
As expected there are some truly disgusting moments here:
- Martin caving in his own mother's skull with a crowbar and then eating breakfast with her corpse
- Martin knocking out a dude's teeth with a hammer
- Martin stapling people's mouths to others' assholes with a staple gun
- A dozen people having explosive diarrhea into each other's mouths in the worst conga line ever
But the most detestable scene involves a pregnant woman waking up in labor pains who manages to escape Martin's warehouse. She gets into a car, farts out the baby onto the floor, the baby's head slides under the gas pedal, and, in her hurry to escape, she slams on the gas pedal and squishes the baby's skull. C'mon...
There's NOTHING redeemable about this sequel. Martin isn't as fun as Dr. Heiter, there's no attempt at a plot, and, for some reason, 12 people just seems like overkill. Why didn't they just jack it up to a respectable five or six-person centipede? Where could they possibly go from here?
Why It's Dog Shit:
The worst part of the movie is that it's almost cartoonish at times. No one ever tries to escape the warehouse or wiggle away. Martin goes around bonking people on the head with his crowbar, which instantly knocks them out. I almost expected there to be birds circling their heads at times. And the shit splattering the camera during the diarrhea conga line was just plain silly.
Best Quote:
Me: They couldn't possibly make another one...could they?
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