Saturday, November 27, 2010

The Human Centipede: The First Sequence (2009)




There are some movies that should not be viewed by anyone, not because it's disgusting or violent but because the entire movie is based off an idea thought up by a guy who was drunk and stumbled out of a bar and just blurted out some random bullshit and then made an hour and a half movie based off that stupid bullshit.



In this case, Tom Six stepped out of a bar and said, "Yo, man, wouldn't - wouldn't it be fucked up if three people were connected mouth to anus and had to walk around like - fuck I don't even know what...I guess like - like a human centipede? Wouldn't that be fucked up?"



That's what this movie is about. I was told I "had to see it" so I saw it and it was fucking terrible. The acting is awful, the story is nonexistent, and the characters are stupid cliches. The one thing it does have going for it, however, is three people connected mouth-to-anus and crawling around like a human centipede. If that's something you're interested in seeing, then, yes, this movie is for you. If you enjoy things like character development, a coherent storyline, or any sense of medical realism.



The opening of the movie pretty much sums up the intelligence level of the entire movie. Two stupid American bitches go to Europe, drive around in the country without a GPS, get lost, suffer a flat tire, run through the dark woods to "safety" and the one house they finally come upon is owned by a mad scientist obsessed with creating a human centipede...and it never gets better from there.



The only bright spot is the creepy performance by Dieter Laser. For a movie about an operation involving mouth-to-anus connections, he plays the part straight-faced and comes across as a real psycho.



But seriously, this movie is just shocktastic bullshit in the same vein as Saw and Hostel. Save some time and stick your hand in the blender. It's pretty much the same damn thing.



One Bright Spot: The title tells you exactly what you're going to get: a human centipede. It's not like you can claim you don't know what you're getting yourself into.



Best Quote:



Me: What the fuck was that?! (Me after watching it.)

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