We're starting with a little Christmas in July with Jack Frost (the horror/comedy, not the Michael Keaton shitstorm). In this classic horror/comedy mash-up, a serial killer is tranformed into a snowman after he's sprayed with genetic-altering acid and then goes around killing people...that's right, a snowman.
This is one of those movies that knows how terrible it is and revels in it (see also: Dead Snow). The acting is atrocious, the special effects laughable, and it's full of cheesy one-liners ("Is it cold in here or is it just me?"). At no point is it trying to be anything but cheesy fun...and for the most part it succeeds.
You'd think the characters in the movie would start to get suspicious about a snowman with evil eyebrows and arms...yes, that's right, he has arms. As a general rule, if you ever see a snowman with arms, get the hell out of there as most children aren't too worried about making their snowmen anatomically correct. The picture on the front cover of the DVD shows a scary demonic snowman, but Jack doesn't look anything like that in the movie. He looks like a poorly-constructed Styrofoam snowman...that kills people.
The deaths are always the best part of any cheesy horror flick and Jack Frost is no different. Some of his Christmas-themed kills include him smashing a woman's face into broken Christmas tree bulbs and decorating her with tinsel and a star, impaling some kid with icicles, and pushing a kid over and decapitating him with the runner of a toboggan.
The best death, however, belongs to a young Shannon Elizabeth. Most people know Shannon Elizabeth from her boner-inducing topless scene in the original American Pie, but most don't know that she made her film debut in Jack Frost, and she's naked in this one, too! (Not that you really get to see anything good). Not only is she in the film but she's the star of one of the greatest scenes ever filmed: the infamous snowman rape scene! I've included the clip below. Basically Shannon Elizabeth is taking a bath and Jack transforms into the bath water and then bangs her using his carrot nose as a dick. Just watch it...
In conclusion, they just don't make cheesy horror movies that are so bad they're good quite like this anymore. They peaked in the 80s and began to trail off in the 90s to the point they're almost nonexistent anymore. Now movies are just so bad they're bad.
Why It's Awesomely Terrible: A snowman runs around killing people, driving cars, and he totally rapes a hot chick with his carrot dick. C'mon! Do I really have to explain why that's awesomely terrible?
Best Quote:
Jack (after raping Shannon Elizabeth): Looks like Christmas came a little early this year.
No comments:
Post a Comment