From Dusk till Dawn (1996)

I wonder if George Clooney ever regrets this one?

I know I'll take some heat for this one, but let me just preface this statement by saying I'm a Tarentino fan and I'm a big Robert Rodriguez guy. I love almost all the shit they've done sans the Spy Kids bullshit on the Rodriguez front. So here's the statement: This is a good movie UNTIL the vampires come into play.

I know senseless violence is at the heart of both Tarentino and Rodriguez's films, but they need to stick to human-on-human violence because the last half of this movie is a FUCKING MESS...and not in a good way. First of all, they totally botch the vampire rules. They're basically using zombie rules where if someone gets bit by a vampire (anywhere...even on the arm) they become a vampire, but that's NOT how you become a vampire, that's how you become a zombie. Becoming a vampire is way more complicated and requires the exchange of blood and filling out a bunch of forms in triplicate. Plus there's no consistancy with how fast people turn. Jacob doesn't turn after being bitten for almost an hour while Frost changes instantaneously. Consistancy, people!

I'm not saying it's a terrible movie; I'm just saying all the FAIL moments cancel out all the WIN moments. For example...

Selma Hayek's boner-inducing dance number in the Titty Twister....WIN!
Juliette "The Other Sister" Lewis taking a dump...FAIL!
George Clooney acting like a badass...WIN!
Quentin Tarantino acting...FAIL!
Clooney using a jackhammer staking machine to dust vamps...WIN!
Sex Machine's dick gun...EPIC FAIL!

I'm a much bigger fan of the first half of the movie where the Geckos hijack the Fuller family and there's some actual character development and tension. That all goes out the window as soon as the crew hit the vampire-infested Titty Twister. Plus, what is with that ending?! The Other Sister is the lone survivor of her family and Clooney and his gay tattoo just leave her there in the desert. He could have at least banged her retarded ass for her troubles...

Why It's Awesome: Classic Tarentino dialogue and Rodriguez violence and Selma Hayek ranking fairly high on my Boner Jams Collection. Plus some of the vamp kills are pretty sweet.

Best Quote:

Satanico Pandemonium: Welcome to slavery!
Seth Gecko: No thanks. I've already had a wife.