The Fly (1986)

If you've ever wanted to watch Jeff Goldblum's face melt off while he's vomiting on donuts, have I got a movie for you!

This is a great and underrated (and disgusting) horror movie of the 80s. The make-up effects put any CGI bullshit to absolute shame. Check out the picture below...(wait for it)...psych! That's not from the film, you dumbass! But it's still a sweet picture nonetheless.

Here's the story: Scientist Seth Brundle (Goldblum) has perfected the world's first working teleportation pods...WIN! So one night after his fuck buddy (Geena Davis) goes to buy some tampons, he gets all drunk and decides to test his pods on his first human subject...himself! Little does he know that there's a fly in the pod with him when he teleports so the dumbass computer fuses Brundle and the fly's DNA together, thus causing Brundle to slowly transform into a giant man/fly hybrid.

I learned a lot about flies from this movie:

1) Flies are all world-class gymnasts and highly adept at the high bars.

2) Flies love candy bars, donuts, and coffee with forty scoops of sugar.

3) Flies can fuck for hours and like cheap sluts who wear jean jackets.

4) Never arm wrestle a fly because it'll rip your bone right out of your fuckin' arm!

5) Flies are totally pro-life conservatives...who knew?

The ending of this movie is pure conservative bullshit. Geena Davis realizes she's pregnant with Brundle's baby and she's afraid she's going to fart out a larva so she goes to get an abortion. Brundlefly is a total pro-lifer so he and Sarah Palin go and kidnap Davis from the evil abortion center. Instead, he plans on fusing he, Davis, and the baby together into a single body so he doesn't have to buy a larger vehicle for family vacations. This is actually something conservatives are trying to get passed. They're pro-life AND pro-fusion.

Why It's Awesome: The film won an Academy Award for Best Make-Up...and with good reason. Watching Goldblum (who is great in this) transform into the fly is truly hideous as he jettisons body parts (including his ear, fingernails, teeth, and eventually his wang) at an alarming rate.

Best Quote:

Brundlefly: I'm saying I'm an insect who dreamt he was a man and loved it. But now the dream is over...and the insect is awake.