Over The Top (1987)

If you see only one arm wrestling/child custody movie in your lifetime, make it...OVER THE TOP! It's basically Kramer vs. Kramer...WITH ARM WRESTLING!

Seriously, Stallone has been in some amazing, classic movies, but he's also made some super dog shit that would make regular dog shit gag and vomit. Over the Top is one of his most ridiculous POS movies with some of the WORST 80's music you will ever hear. Just listening to "Meet Me Halfway" by Kenny Loggins will make any real man's penis shrink and shrivel to the size of a millipede. Meet me halfway...across the sky! Umm...no thanks, Kenny. I'm fine right here.

The premise is just plain stupid. A trucker tries to reconnect with his wet, sopping pussy of an estranged son when his ex-wife contracts super AIDS and does so by kidnapping him from his military school (where apparently being a pussy is tolerated) and driving him cross-country in his semi-truck...oh yeah, did I mention that this trucker, Lincoln Hawk (or Hawkes as he's called in the middle of the movie for no reason) is a member of an underground trucker's arm-wrestling circuit? No? I left that little nugget of chocolaty crappiness out? My apologies. After all, the arm-wrestling is at the heart of the movie...that is if this movie had a heart. Bull Hurley arm-wrestled the movie's heart in a double-elimination tournament since it had no shittin' business being in the same room as him.

The best part of the movie is watching the actors' sweat stains grow and expand faster than the super AIDS infesting Hawk's wife's immune system. Like in the scene where Bull enters the diner. When he walks through the door, his shirt is speckled with sweat. Then he walks over to Hawk's pussy of a son and there's a pool of sweat on his shirt. When he finally confronts Hawkes, his shirt has gone from gray to dark gray because the entire thing is nothing but sweat! I got ten bucks says that set smelled worse than the set of Babe.

Why It's Worth Watching: Definitely one of the top three arm-wrestling movies ever made.

Best Conversation:

The Smasher: You Hawkes?

(No response)

The Smasher: I said, are you Hawkes?

Hawk: Who wants to know?

The Smasher: Well I'm the Smasher.

Hawk: Nice name.

The Smasher: Word on the road is you're the man to beat.

Hawk: Can't believe everything you hear.

The Smasher: I DON'T! I DON'T BELIEVE ANYTHING! I got a grand says I can rip your arm off. Do you want it? I SAID, DO YOU WANT IT?!

Hawk: Why not?

The Smasher: All right! Let's get this table set up!