Risky Business (1983)

When you were young and your parents went out of town, it was clear what had to be done: You had to recruit a gaggle of prostitutes and run a makeshift brothel out of your home that would specialize in the boning of underage teenagers.

That's the entire premise of Risky Business, a movie about greed, sex, and how naïve and stupid teenagers are compared to pimps and prostitutes. Everyone knows this as "the movie where Tom Cruise dances around in his tighty-whities," but it's actually a pretty deep (and prophetic) movie.

The premise is pretty ridiculous. Two parents leave their teenage son home alone for two weeks during the school year (what?) and he ends up hiring a heroine prostitute who convinces him to run a brothel out of the house for a night and make a shit ton of money...which she and her pimp then steal by jacking all his stuff and selling it back to him. Oh, but he still gets into Princeton because he got the interviewer blown. Well done, Tom.

My favorite part of this movie is Tom's crew. It's legendary. His best buddies include Booger from Revenge of the Nerds  ("When I was a little girl, my daddy used to spank my bare bottom. Now he's gone. Will you take his place?" Call Misty!) and his accountant, Cousin Balkie Bartokomos of Perfect Strangers fame. Running with a crew like that, it's no wonder Tom Cruise becomes a pimp!

This movie doesn't get enough credit for how it basically predicted the next 25 years of moral depravity that would run rampant throughout American culture. This movie taught Tom's character, Joel, that the only thing that matters in life is making money and getting laid. He's even rewarded for his depravity by being accepted into Princeton (with a 3.1 GPA, might I add). What a perfect statement about the attitude that became America's motto until 2008: Make money by any means necessary. Forget morality, forget ethics, forget friendship or family. Money is all that matters.

And that's America...

Oh, and how hot is that sex scene on the train? Mmm. Hot. Nothing like banging a heroine-thin hooker on a subway while a hobo watches. Now that's...RISKY BUSINESS!

Why It's Awesome:

This movie shows how easy it is to accidentally become a pimp. Unfortunately, it also proves the oldest commandment is still the truest: PIMPIN' AIN'T EASY!

Best Quote:

Miles: Joel, you wanna know something? Every now and then say, "What the fuck." "What the fuck" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.