Pretty in Pink (1986)

Most people think John Hughes' Pretty in Pink is a story about finding love across socioeconomic barriers. Those people are wrong.

Pretty in Pink is a story about GINGER DISCRIMINATION!

Yes, on the surface it appears as if the problem between Molly Ringwald's Andie and Andrew McCarthy's Blaine is that he's rich and she's poor. That doesn't really matter. The problem is that Andie is a ginger, and Steff and the other BLONDE rich snobs are concerned he'll come down with ginger-vitus. Duckie, on the other hand, accepts Andie's condition, and yet she still rejects him...because gingers have no souls.

I remember liking this movie as a teenager, but now, watching it as an adult, I realize it's god-awful. It's really bad. The problem is that it doesn't matter who Andie ends up with because all her options are HORRIBLE and she's a total bitch so why would I care? Many cinephiles claim she should end up with Duckie. Seriously? Did you see what that guy wears? Let's look at the competitors and their stats:

Blaine: A richie with the personality of a Triscuit cracker. This guy is BLAND! He takes her on the single WORST date of all-time, believing the best possible place for his date with Andie is a house party where everyone hates her...and with good reason. Pearls, Andie? Who are you? My grandmother?

Duckie: Weird stalker friend with a terrible sense of style. Many consider his antics and dedication to Andie to be sweet, but really it's creepy as hell. Leaving a dozen messages on her phone? Driving past her house in the middle of the night? Plus, she treats him like garbage, and he just comes back for more. And let's be honest here, we all know he's secretly gay so what's the point?

Steff: Alpha snob who bangs girls in his parents' bed and likes to dumpster dive every now and then. He tells Andie at the beginning he wants to fuck her and then gives Blaine shit when he wants to do the same thing. He's awesome.

So there you have it. Amazingly, the best option for Andie is...Steff. At least he's not a sopping wet pussy like the other two competitors. Or maybe that's just because James Spader is the man. Anyways, like I said before, none of this matters because Andie is a bitch anyway. She deserves to be treated like crap. Her father is on the verge of committing suicide due to depression and unemployment, and she's worried about whether or not she's going to the prom.

This movie reminded me why teenagers are idiots, and no one should listen or care about anything they say.

Why It's Lame: If I want to listen to a bunch of whiny teens bitch and moan about who's going to the prom with who...there's no way to finish that sentence because I would never, EVER want that. I think John Hughes was secretly a teenage girl trapped inside a man's body. How else can one explain these movies?

Best Quote:

Steff: Andie, you're a bitch.