The Breakfast Club (1985)

My latest theme for my reviews is going to be John Hughes' movies, and we start with the best.

If someone asked me to name the best movie about being a teenager, it would be The Breakfast Club. Even though it's nearly thirty years old (yikes!) it still perfectly sums up what it means to be a teen. High school students get lumped into cliques and stereotypes and eventually they become those stereotypes when in reality they're all pretty much the same...whiny brats who blame their parents for all their problems.

This movie would NEVER be made in today's film industry. It comes off as more of a play than a movie. It's a film for teens that doesn't include a single explosion, vampire, or superhero. Five teens with nothing in common spend a Saturday detention together...yeah, that's the plot. It doesn't take place at a school for wizards and there are no transforming robot attacks and there's not a single car chase. It's a reflection on the teenage social scene that relies on clever dialogue and strong character performances to carry the film. God, 80s movies are SOOOO much better than 20-teen movies. Everything sucks now!

Anyways, the casting is legendary. The Brat Pack was in full force here with Molly "80s diva" Ringwald representing the preps, Emilio (EMILLLLLLLIO!) Estevez representing the jocks, Anthony Michael Hall (who can predict people's deaths) representing the nerds, Ally Sheedy representing the goth weirdo nymphos, and, in one of my favorite 80s performances, Judd Nelson playing John Bender, representing the dirtball losers.

This is one legendary flick that I actually wouldn't mind seeing remade because with each generation it would be a little different. In a modern adaptation of the movie you'd have to include the Emo Kid, the ADHD Kid, The Kid Who Thinks He's Black But Is Actually White, The Teen Mom, The Gamer, and The Kid Who Is Off His Meds. Actually, no, that would be a horrible movie. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure The Breakfast Club was the inspiration for MTV's The Real World, a show that gave birth to reality television. Thus by traveling back in time, if I could prevent John Hughes from ever making the movie, I could avoid the creation of reality TV! I'm going to totally pull a Biff Tannen!

The only thing that I hate about this movie is that it seems to break down the walls of teenage cliques, but, in reality, all it does is reinforce them. Andrew is only interested in Allison AFTER her makeover makes her look more socially acceptable. Nerdy Brian is forced to write the entire essay for the group and goes home without a lady (as all nerds do). Then you've got the blooming relationship between Bender and Claire. Pah-leeze! The movie shouldn't end with Bender on the football field pumping his fist. No, it should end on Monday morning when Bender approaches Claire and her group of friends and she totally blows him off...because THAT'S what would happen.

So please, don't forget about me. No. Don't, don't, don't, don't! {FIST PUMP!}

Why It's Awesome: It's a teen melodrama without the cheap metaphor of magical powers or vampires or super powers or any of that bullshit that's chucked into movies for stupid people. If nothing else, watch the scene where Bender and Vernon are going back and forth ("You want another?") and you'll know why it's awesome.

Best Quote (I could go with a dozen Bender quotes, but instead I'll go with a lesser-known but depressingly true quote):

Allison: When you grow up, your heart dies.