Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)

Ferris Bueller is a punk.

Yeah, you heard me. I HATE Ferris Bueller. Don't misunderstand me, I like the movie, but I despise the character of Ferris Bueller. I realize the whole point of the character is that he's supposed to be a lovable, trouble-making rapscallion that everyone likes, but THAT'S exactly what I hate about him. He's a smug little prick. "Oooh, look at me, I'm so laid back and cool I can break the fourth wall and talk directly to the camera." I'm with Jeannie. He's a bastard.

This entire film is an affront to every hard-working school administrator in the country. Ferris' actions should not be praised or celebrated. He missed school nine times in a single school year...nine times. Now, I realize that may seem tame by today's standards, but by 1980 Caucasian standards, that's like, 50 days worth of unexcused absences. Society should condemn his actions. Young adults have a responsibility to be in school furthering their education so they can have a productive future as fully-functioning adults, not gallivanting around Chicago with their girlfriends in a stolen vehicle and lip-syncing (poorly) to German songs during some gay pride parade that inexplicably takes place during a work day in the middle of the afternoon. SHAME!

What's Ferris going to do in the future? Knock up Sloane and then leave her in the middle of her pregnancy to backpack through Europe so he can "find himself" and then never come back? That's what happens when you miss school nine times...nine times.

Ferris Bueller is such a prick he's the only title character in cinematic history who experiences exactly ZERO change from the beginning of the film to the end. He's a completely static character. He's a smug dickweed at the beginning all the way through the scene at the end of the credits where he basically tells us, the audience, to piss off. It's well documented that Cameron is, by basic storytelling standards, the main character of the story. He's the one who experiences the change after that terrorist, Ferris Bueller, totals the Ferrari.

But the true hero of the film is none other than the legendary EDWARD ROONEY, the dean of students at Ferris' school. This is what all school administrators should strive to be. He sees a young man on a path to destruction, and he does everything in his power to save the wayward lad from himself. He even makes a house call! What overpaid school administrator is going to do that in the year 2013?! Answer: none. This is a man who truly cares about his students. When he learns about Sloane's grandmother's death (another horrible rouse orchestrated by that liar, Ferris), he shows true compassion. "Between grief and nothing...I'll take grief." You are wise, Edward Rooney, so wise...

Save Ferris? I think not.

Why It's Awesome: It's the story of how far one dedicated educator will go to save a single student from his self-destructive behavior. They should remake this movie and just call it ROONEY.

Best Quote:

Charlie Sheen (ironically enough playing a drugged-out junkie): You wear too much eye makeup. My sister wears too much. People think she's a whore.