Children's movies in the 80s kicked so much ass. They didn't treat kids like fragile pussies like today's kid movies. The NeverEnding Story is another pre-CGI children's movie in the same vein as Labyrinth and The Dark Crystal that made use of puppets and make-up to create elaborate fantasy creatures and characters instead of having a computer destroy the last remnants of imagination.
TNES is a movie about the importance of books...which doesn't make any sense. A loser kid who is constantly bullied jacks a book from an old man who hates children The book is about a magical world called Fantasia that is being wiped out by Global Warming, but they don't call it that; they call it "The Nothing." A young boy warrior must go on a quest to save the life of the Child-like Empress, the only person who can save Fantasia, but none of the pharmacies will take his insurance so she's fucked.
The reason I hold this film in such high regard is that it contains the single saddest scene ever filmed...EVER. Remember how you felt when Mufasa died in Lion King? Well imagine you're watching that scene and simultaneously being told your entire family has died in a horrible plane crash...and that you have AIDS.
Of course I speak of the infamous Artex death scene in The Swamp of Sadness. Atreyu, our boy warrior, is trying to pass through the swamp with his beloved horse, Artex, and the horse goes all emo on him. As everyone knows, the Swamp of Sadness swallows anyone who allows his despair to overwhelm him and this horse starts sinking into the swamp and Atreyu is screaming and pleading for him to move, to fight, to overcome his sadness and not to leave him. Then the camera cuts away. When it returns, the horse is gone and Atreyu is bawling in the swamp - alone.
The best part is that this all happens in the first 20 minutes of the film! It's like, "Hey, welcome to our movie. Oh, by the way, THIS KID'S HORSE IS TOTALLY DEAD!" I've included the scene below for your enjoyment.
That's not the only downer in the film, either. There's the Rockbiter's epically depressing speech about how he wasn't strong enough to save his friends from oblivion ("They look like strong hands...don't they?") and then, oh yeah, the entire world ends and everyone dies! How do you like them apples, kids?!
Honestly, this movie is ludicrously depressing so don't show it to your 21st Century child or else its fragile mind will cave in on itself and the kid will wet its bed until the age of fifteen. Just stick with your happy horseshit animated flicks and tell your kid that the world is full of rainbows and hugs...UNTIL YOUR HORSE SINKS INTO A SWAMP AND DIES!
Welcome to reality, bitches!
Why It's Awesome: It's like a more German version of Lord of the Rings without all the midgets. There's a rock-eating giant and an Oracle with boobs and a racing snail and a bitchy turtle and a philosophical werewolf. And who wouldn't want to ride that white dragon/dog around?
Best Quote:
G'Mork (the philosophical werewolf): Because people who have no hopes are easy to control; and whoever has the control... has the power!
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