Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)

All the best movies about life as a teenager in high school were made in the 80s. Most people will claim The Breakfast Club is he pinnacle of the genre, but, to me, it's a two-horse race. Although The Breakfast Club is a better movie, in my humble opinion Fast Times at Ridgemont High captures what it means to be a teenager in real life better than any other movie ever made.

Here's why I give it the nod over "Da Club." Whereas Breakfast Club depicts something that would never happen in real life (members of different social cliques coming together to discover a mutual understanding), Fast Times is just incoherent, random nonsense full of humor and frontal nudity...and that's EXACTLY what being a teenager is all about.

There's a couple intertwining storylines going on here:

There's Brad Hamilton, a senior who has it made in the shade - girlfriend, a sweet job, and even a car. Then he gets fired, loses his girlfriend, and gets caught whacking it by the girl whom he's whacking it, too...the worst scenario possible.

There's Brad's younger sister, Stacy, a sophomore who takes whoring lessons from her older friend, Linda (the hot, hot, hot Phoebe Cates) who ends up getting pregnant and gets an abortion from a drive-thru clinic...thus learning nothing about the dangers of whoring around.

There's Mark Ratner who has a boner for Stacy, but she's about the only guy she isn't banging. He gets advice from his friend, Damone (a premature ejaculator), who ends up banging and knocking up Stacy instead.

Oh, and then there's legendary Jeff Spicoli, a surfer stoner who has a year-long grudge with his history teacher, the also legendary Mr. Hand.

The film covers a lot of ground including such hot teenage topics as losing one's virginity, dating, battling teachers, shitty high school jobs, getting into fights with friends, getting stoned, and abortion. There's really no point to the movie...which is the best statement there could be about being a teenager.

I realized I had never seen this movie other than the edited television version when I watched it on DVD and got drenched in the torrential downpour of nudity. I've always been aware of the infamous Phoebe Cates fantasy sequence (a boner jam worthy scene if there ever was one), but that Stacy chick is naked throughout the ENTIRE movie. Full frontal, too.

Man, I miss being a teenager...

Why It's Awesome:

The inane hodge-podge of teenage stories captures the true pointlessness of being a teenager...even BETTER than any John Hughes movie.

Best Quote:

Spicoli: All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.