Cabin in the Woods (2012)

 

I wanted to give Joss Whedon another chance after that abomination that was The Avengers (if for no other reason than Buffy) so I watched Cabin in the Woods, his other 2k12 offering. Did he redeem himself? Well...you're damn right he did. CitW is classic Whedon, a perfect blend of horror and comedy. It's unique, innovative, and damn funny at parts, too.

It's tough to describe CitW's genre. The best way to describe it is as a horror satire. It basically does what the original Scream did, using common horror clichés to comment on the genre as a whole. Five stupid college kids (a jock, a virgin, a slut, a nerd, and a stoner) go to an isolated cabin in the woods to get baked and bang...which always turns out well. They uncover a hidden cellar that contains all sorts of weird artifacts. In true Evil Dead fashion, they read from a strange book and resurrect a family of evil redneck zombies. You can guess what happens next.

Of course, if that's all this movie was, it would be every other horror movie ever made...but it's not. From the beginning, it's clear the entire situation is being manipulated by a strange organization who seem intent on making certain these kids get killed. This is where things get interesting. When the kids decide to stick together, the manipulators pump gas into the cabin to alter their judgment and convince them (like every other horror movie victims) it's better to split up. When Thor and his slut girlfriend go out into the woods, the manipulators alter the lighting to get them in the banging mood. This is why everyone in horror movies is retarded...they're being manipulated to make poor decisions.

The twist is that this organization is part of a world organization that is in charge of making human sacrifices to the Old Gods. If the sacrifices fail, the Old Gods return and destroy the world. Oh yeah, spoiler alert...

The characters are horrible clichés...like most horror movies. The main character (the virgin) doesn't really have much personality at all and you never really care about her. The only character who is interesting at all is the stoner...and he's the second character who gets killed. After his death, I thought, "Man, what a poor decision to kill off the only interesting character so early." And then...he comes back and my faith was totally restored in Joss. Make the stoner the hero. How often does that happen?

The best part of the movie happens when the virgin and the stoner make their way into the secret organization's headquarters and discover what's going on. They find an entire prison full of horror movie monsters ranging from vampires to werewolves to Hellraiser-esque S&M monsters to yetis to the dreaded merman. And of course there's a giant red button that releases all these monsters into the facility (why wouldn't there be?) and all hell breaks loose...literally.

It's scary and funny and I can even forgive it for the horrible CGI effects at times because of its originality. I haven't enjoyed a modern horror movie for a long time, but I enjoyed this. Of course, like Scream, it also makes it impossible to ever enjoy a cliché "stupid kids go into the woods" movie ever again.

Why It's Awesome:

It's innovative, smart, and different. Do you know how often I use those adjectives to describe a modern movie? Answer: not often. Good job, Joss. When's the next season of Buffy coming out?

Best Quote:

Mordecai: Cleanse them. Cleanse the world of their ignorance and sin. Bathe them in the crimson of...wait...am I on speakerphone?
Hadley: No, absolutely not. Speakerphone, no, no, I wouldn't do that.
Mordecai: Yes I am. I can hear the echo.
Hadley: Oh, my God, you're right. Hang on one second, I'll take you off.
Mordecai: That's rude.