Cobra (1986)

This movie is every bad cop movie cliché rolled into an hour-and-a-half of bad quips, totally unrealistic action, over-the-top (pun intended) violence, and bad 80s hair. When Ivan Drago's wife witnesses a grisly murder committed by a group of New World Order, axe-clicking psychos, only Marian Cobretti, a renegade cop who doesn't play by the rules, can keep her safe.

Sounds like every cop movie ever made, right? Yup. BUT THIS ONE HAS SLY STALLONE IN IT WEARING TIGHT-ASS JEANS!

I like that Stallone is such a rebel that he can't even wear cop clothes or drive a cop car. You know why? BECAUSE HE DOESN'T PLAY BY THE RULES!

And the quips? Oh man! They are truly LEGENDARY!

"You're the disease. And I'm the cure."

"Cobretti, do you know you have an attitude problem?"
"Yeah but it's just a little one."

"Hey, dirtbag! You're a lousy shot. I don't like lousy shots."

And if the cliché dialogue wasn't enough, the final dramatic shoot-out might as well have been copy-and-pasted into the movie. Stallone literally kills, like, 30 guys by himself...some of them with grenades. His accuracy during the firefight is a respectable 100%. Every time he fires the gun he either kills a guy or makes a motorcycle fall over. His opposition, however, chooses much less effective approaches that include driving through the door of a hotel room and falling over and failing to hit a man standing stationary in the back of a pick-up truck.

As the movie, Commando, can attest, a movie is only as good as its villain. Sly's opposition in this flick is a true badass in The Night Stalker (played by Brian Thompson). Man does this guy look insane ("Let's go to hell, pig!"). He's basically the evil version of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Sly handles him, though, by impaling him on a giant hook and setting him on fire...so yeah...

In conclusion, Cobra is the kind of cliché action movie that I think of fondly when I remember the peak of the action genre in the 80s and early 90s. Where have all the action heroes gone?

Why It's Awesome: Renegade cop? Check. Hot 80s chick? Check. Badass villain? Check. Totally unrealistic action? Check. Flimsy plot? Check. Yup. It's an 80s action movie.

Best Quote:

{A gun-toting psycho is threatening to blow up a grocery store.}

Gun-toting psycho: I got a bomb here! I'll blow this whole place up!
Cobretti: Go ahead. I don't shop here.