Tuesday, December 11, 2012

The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)



Here's some advice: if you have something really, really important that needs to get done, don't put the weakest, lamest, and overall most pathetic member of your posse in charge of doing it.

The Lord of the Rings represents the ultimate road trip AND underdog story ever told. It was often considered one of those unfilmable stories because of its epic stature and scope, but Peter Jackson did an amazing job adapting Tolkien's trilogy into three quality films. Are they perfect reflections of the books? No, but they shouldn't be. Books and movies are two different beasts. Just watch Hunger Games if you want to see what happens when a movie tries to be a direct reflection of its source material (hint: it sucks).

The Fellowship is my least favorite of the trilogy, but it's still an excellent movie. The main problem with the first installment is that there's just too damn much exposition required to even get the story rolling. Really, the story doesn't start until the fellowship is formed in Rivendell and that doesn't happen until an hour and a half into the extended version! Not only do we need to know the history of The One Ring, but we also need a synopsis of the events from The Hobbit before we can step foot outside the Shire. That's a ton of bullshit.

Although the large battle scenes are reserved for the latter two films, there are still some truly legendary action set pieces in The Fellowship. The whole Moria sequence is amazing with the battle against the cave troll and then the escape from the badass Balrog. And even though you know Gandalf is going to show up later, that moment when he scrambles to get back up on the bridge, accepts his fate, says, "Fly, you fools!" and then falls into the abyss packs an emotional punch especially with the music and the slow motion and the acting...all house.

When you take a look at the actual Fellowship, it's a hodge-podge of awesomeness with one minor exception:

Gandalf: wizard badass
Aragorn: Ranger badass
Boromir: slightly-misguided badass
Legolas: elven badass
Gimli: dwarven badass
Sam: most loyal mother fucker in the Shire
Merry and Pippin: humorous gay hobbit couple
Frodo: whiny douche

And out of the nine (five of which could fit into a child's car seat), who do they entrust the ring to? THE WHINY DOUCHE! Frodo is the WORST member of the Fellowship! During the course of the first movie, he gets skewered TWICE (once by the cave troll and the other by the Witch King), gets infected by Nazgul AIDS, has to get rescued by Liv Tyler (shameful...), and then ABANDONS the entire group. HE SUCKS!

And don't tell me he's the only one who won't become corrupted by The Ring because guess what? HE DOES! All they had to do was shove The Ring into an envelop, hand it to Gandalf or Aragorn, and have them truck it to Mt. Doom. Gandalf isn't effected by The Ring when it's in the envelop earlier in the movie so the whole "whiny douche" hurdle could have been avoided.

Of course, then we wouldn't have two more movies to enjoy and 47 more hours of Middle Earth drama to enjoy. ONWARD!

Why It's Awesome:

My favorite member of The Fellowship is Boromir (the only member NOT to make it through the first movie). The only thing that eases my pain at Boromir's loss is that he goes out LIKE A BOSS! Three arrows in him and he still kicks Uruk-hai ass. That's hardcore.

Best Quote:

Saruman:Hunt them down. Do not stop until they are found. You do not know pain, you do not know fear. You will taste man-flesh. 

Saruman:

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