Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)

In honor of Leap Day, I'm reviewing a movie that should only be witnessed once every four...lifetimes. This is it. The worst movie of all time. I present to you the tour-de-force that is BIRDEMIC: SHOCK AND TERROR!

This movie makes The Room look like Citizen Kane. If Troll 2 is the best worst movie, then Birdemic is the worst worst movie.
So what makes this movie so horrendous? Where to begin...

Let's start with the nonsensical plot. The first 40 minutes of the film focus on some douche who makes million-dollar sales for some computer company (with stock options!) and a slutty model who lands a job with Victoria's Secret after taking a couple photos at a convenience store. They speak nonsense to one another, dance like white people at a restaurant where they're the only people there, and then after the chick tells the douche she likes him for respecting her, he takes her to a cheap motel and bangs her like a common whore.

And then...IT HAPPENS!

Because they're pissed about global warming, eagles start crashing into gas stations and BLOWING UP (since everyone knows eagles are 80% pure gasoline) and slitting people's throats...with their wings. And yes, all this does actually happen in the film.

Not only is the plot THE WORST but everything about this film makes The Wicker Man seem watchable.

The dialogue is THE WORST! The jibba jab coming out of these people's mouths sounds like someone took a movie originally written in Mandarin Chinese and just translated it straight to English.

The acting is THE WORST! All the actors come across as pod people doing their best impersonation of what they think people act and speak like.

The sound editing is THE WORST! There's feedback throughout the entire movie almost to the point it drowns out the dialogue (not a bad thing) and when the actors are near the ocean you can't even hear what they're saying over the waves.

But the worst of the worst are the special effects...which are THE WORST! Instead of calling them special effects they should just straight up call them what they are, which is retarded effects. The birds are superimposed on the screen and are capable of floating without flapping their wings. The same shot of the birds approaching and a single bird getting shot are used over and over and over again.

A truly great bad movie should make the viewer feel as if his or her soul has been raped upon watching it and there's no amount of showering that will ever rid you of the stink of...BIRDEMIC!

Why It Sucks Dick: This sums up this movie's stupidity. After the birds attack for NO REASON, the two main characters join up with this army dude and a hooker. The army dude arms the quartet with clothes hangers...yes hangers...to fight off the birds. Then when he gets to his shitty van he's got an AK-47 (no joke). So he chose to fight with hangers rather than a machine gun. And thus is the greatness that is...BIRDEMIC!

Best Quote:
Ramsey: Where's Becky?
Rod: She's taking a shit. Nathalie is watching her back.