Die Hard (1988)

Yippee-Ki-Yay...Father Christmas!

Most families gather around to watch Miracle on 34th Street or The Grinch during the holiday season, but those people are pussies! If you're hardcore for the holidays then you already know DIE HARD is not only the greatest non-traditional Christmas movie ever but the greatest...action movie...of ALL TIME!

There's not much to say about this film that hasn't been said for the past 20+ years. Its perfection lies in its simplicity. Take one average joe cop (John McClane is THE greatest everyman character in action), pit him against 13 badass terrorists/robbers (Alan Rickman practically perfects the slick and intelligent villain here), stick them all in a building in a battle royale and you have hardcore perfection.

And can we talk about the title here for a second? Die Hard? That is fuckin' awesome! You know exactly what you're getting into with a title like that. People are going to die, and, not only are they going to die, but they're going to die...HARD! No one's going to die quietly in their bed. No, people are going to get thrown off buildings and down stairwells, blown up with C4, and shot in the dick multiple times. Now that's dying HARD! This movie also has some of the best translations ever. In Hungarian, the title is Give Your Life Expensive and in Serbia it's called Die Manly...awesome...

Die Hard is the pinnacle of the 80s/90s action genre that officially died in 1999 when The Matrix blew up and we moved from everyman heroes to "super" heroes, a trend that still, unfortunately, continues to this day. Just for a comparison, Neo dodges bullets and kills a guy by entering inside of him and exploding out while John McClane runs across broken glass in his bare feet and kills a guy by throwing him down a flight of fucking stairs and snapping his neck. Now you tell me which one is more hardcore (and realistic)! All these heroes nowadays need super powers to stop the bad guys. All John McClane needed was a gun and a wifebeater! DEATH TO THE SUPER HERO GENRE!

But I digress. One last area where Die Hard succeeds above all others is the key area of the Carl Winslow factor. That's right, the dad from Family Matters is John's black cop buddy on the outside playing, essentially, Carl Winslow. Dealing with terrorists is probably a walk in the park compared to dealing with Steve Urkel on a daily basis. Did I do thaaaaat?

Why It's Awesome: It's scientifically proven to be the greatest action movie of all time. John McClane is one of the great icons of action with his funny witticisms after murdering people and Hans Gruber is one of the great villains in cinema. The skyscraper serves as the perfect backdrop for all the raw action that builds and builds and never lets up. They don't make action movies like this anymore.

Best Quote (Besides the obvious):

Hans Gruber: I wanted this to be professional, efficient, adult, cooperative. Not a lot to ask. Alas, your Mr. Takagi did not see it that way... so he won't be joining us for the rest - of - his life.