Take every little boy fantasy and cram it into one movie, add a touch of British humor and a bunch of midgets and you've got one of the most underrated children's fantasy movies of all time...TIME BANDITS!
Directed by Terry Gilliam (whose other time-traveling flick is the badass 12 Monkeys), Time Bandits is about a little boy whose parents are totally douches who gets kidnapped by time-traveling midget themes who have a map that shows them all the holes in the fabric of the universe (allowing them to travel through time). Did I mention they jacked the map from God, who is pissed off and wants it back?
The time-traveling and God-escaping escapades include several run-ins with famous historical figures and then some elements of fantasy that pretty much cover every little boy fantasy ever dreamed of. The escapades include...
- Watching Napoleon laugh his ass off at a play about puppets hurting each other.
- Being captured by Robin Hood and his Merry Men, all of whom are kind of douchebags.
- Becoming the heir to Agamemnon's throne by helping him kill a minotaur man.
- Going down with the Titanic (and not being bothered by floating around in sub-zero temperature waters)
- Stealing a pirate ship from an ogre and his wife (Mona from Who's the Boss?).
- Plunging a needle into the head of a giant, gross fat guy.
- Fighting an evil demon using cowboys, archers, and a tank (all unsuccessfully, I might add).
Oh, and keep in mind it's midgets doing all these things so...yeah...even more awesome.
The whole time I was watching the movie I was thinking that had I seen this when I was eight, I would have had such a massive little boy boner the whole time.
And the ending? HOLY SHIT! It's right up there with Se7en and The Mist for best movie ending of all time! At the end, the little kid's parents BLOW THE FUCK UP! I mean, they just explode! And this is right after the kid's house burns to the ground. And then the movie just ends! The movie is like, "Hey, you know this kid who's been traveling through time with those midgets? Well fuck him! His parents just exploded and he's homeless!" Terry Gilliam is a heartless bastard and I love it!
Why It's Awesome: Time travel? Check. Fantasy elements? Check. Legendary historical figures? Check. A battle between Good and Evil with the fate of the universe at stake? Check. A midget getting crushed by a giant column? Check. Yup. This movie has everything a little boy could hope for in a fantasy flick.
Best Quote:
Supreme Being: Dead? No excuse for laying off work.
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