They Live (1988)

Forget that this movie stars "Rowdy" Roddy Piper.

Forget that this movie contains one of the longest and illogical fights scenes of all time (at five minutes and twenty seconds it may be THE longest fight scene in cinematic history).
Forget that the basis of the movie is that a drifter finds a pair of "special" sunglasses that allows him to see the world for what it truly is, a consumer-based slave ship run by aliens using subliminal messages.

This is a good fuckin' movie because it does what many movies fail to do...it SAYS something.
This movie was made in the late 80s at the height of the yuppie movement that would swell into the net boom of the 90s. It's a movie that warned of the dangers of consumerism and the use of media to control the middle class and turn them into mindless cattle.

Talk about a movie that needs to be remade!

The ten minute section of the film when Piper first finds the sunglasses and wanders around the city seeing the world for what it truly is is one of the most poignant and haunting statements of our modern world ever captured on film. Billboards, magazines, political ads, and television commercials contain subliminal messages such as:

Obey
No Imagination
Surrender
Do not question authority
Consume

And the most telling of all, printed on dollar bills: THIS IS YOUR GOD.

And the scariest part of the whole alien conspiracy is that there are humans who have knowledge of the plot but are actively assisting the aliens for financial gain, selling out their own species for the Almighty Dollar.

If you ask me, we've been sleeping for the past thirty years, refusing to question authority and consuming like the good little sheep that we are. The middle class is dwindling and constantly under attack while the upper class, the ones responsible for the financial crisis, continue to increase their wealth and power base. You don't need a pair of special sunglasses to see the working man is being fucked in the ass but it ain't aliens doing the fucking...

Why It's Awesome: It's social commentary that works. Sure, the movie breaks down into Piper running around with a shotgun with seemingly infinite ammo blasting aliens left and right but the build-up to the senseless action is enough to persuade me to arm myself and form a militia.

Best Quote (a classic...):
Nada: I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass...and I'm all out of bubblegum.

Dead Alive (1992)

OH...MY...GOD!!!

If aliens ever visit Planet Earth and ask for a definition of the term "fucked up," I would simply pop in a DVD of Dead Alive...and there it is.

To think that this movie was made by the same director as the man who made the greatest trilogy of all-time is simply mind-boggling. Wow. Yes, I love the Evil Dead series and Re-Animator has its moments, but Dead Alive, even though it's another zombie/horror/comedy movie, is in a class of its own. This is scientifically proven to be the most gruesome move OF ALL TIME!

Here's the classic Tolkien-esque story: When the mother of a mama's boy is bitten by a RAT MONKEY and turned into a zombie, the mama's boy must hide her in the basement and take care of her even after she starts eating people's dogs and turning people into zombies.

This is one of those movies where you see something and you think, "There's no way they can top that," and five seconds later there's something even more disgusting and disturbing and completely over-the-top.

There's rat monkey head-squishing, puss eating, zombie fucking, dog eating, head blendering, hedge clipper decapitations, priest karate, baby zombie birth, a lawn-mower zombie-slicing finale that will never be topped, and a reverse birth...and that's about an 1/8 of the sickness. Writing about it is, truthfully, a waste of time. You must watch it to understand...but not during dinner.

Why It's Awesome: The documented bloodiest movie of all time...need I say more.

Best Quote:

"I can't watch this anymore." (my wife watching the movie while we attempted to eat)

Re-Animator (1985)

I feel like there's an entire genre of movies that often gets overlooked by movie people, the red-headed step-child of the film industry, if you will. The genre I speak of, is, of course, the over-the-top gory horror/comedy. Most of the best movies in this genre appeared in the 80s (of course!) in the likes of Evil Dead II, Dead Alive, and the movie of today's discussion, the classic Re-Animator!

This movie, a homage to Frankenstein, is easily one of the most ridiculous, gory, and entertaining movies of the 80s. The thing that makes it so great is that it never takes itself too seriously but it's not overly ridiculous either - it perfectly rides the line between comedy and horror. Jeffrey Comb's performance is particularly noteworthy, as he plays the obsessive Herbert West with as much zeal and seriousness as he can muster in a movie involving Ecto-cooler that brings the dead back to life.

Here are some of the highlights:

- A grown man fighting a cat doll that's supposed to be an evil zombified cat.

- Arnold Schwarzenegger's body double being reanimated and dispatched with a bone saw.

- A decapitated head smashing against a wall and exploding like a grape.

- A stereotypical lazy black security guard who always seems to take his breaks at the WORST possible times.

- Intestines that come to life and attack a man like a snake FOR NO LOGICAL REASON

- And the best, most awesome moment of any movie EVER...a severed head eating out some naked blonde chick!!! AMAZING!

Seriously, if you want to be entertained and listen to some guy logically explain why he placed a dead cat in a mini-fridge, WATCH THIS MOVIE! It will change your life.

Why It's Awesome: They don't make them this bad...or this good anymore. CGI has ruined the cheese factor in film and nearly annihilated the horror/comedy genre. This movie proves that you don't need fancy computers...or a logical storyline to make an entertaining flick.

Best Quote:

West: I was busy pushing bodies around, as you well know, and what would a note say, Dan? "Cat dead...details later"?