Reservoir Dogs (1992)

Movie buffs always sing the praises of Pulp Fiction as Quentin Tarentino's masterpiece, but I'll take me some Reservoir Dogs any day of the week. It's just so fucking raw and violent and cool. Without this movie, there is no Pulp Fiction.

The characters are all so generic at first in their identical suits and sunglasses, but the character development throughout the movie is simply amazing. We've got the high-strung Mr. Pink (Could anyone have played this part better than Steve Buscemi?), the fraternal Mr. White, the psychotic Mr. Blonde (having his name be the only one that's not actually a color...brilliant), the cool undercover cop, Mr. Orange, and the rest of the color spectrum.

Whenever you discuss a Tarentino movie, you have to mention the dialogue. Tarentino's dialogue has a rhythm and a beat all its own. The opening conversation about the real meaning of Madonna's "Like a Virgin" might be the single best opening dialogue in cinematic history, followed closely by Mr. Pink's explanation as to why he refuses to tip (I use his "Learn to fucking type" line whenever I explain why a 20% tip is ludicrous). There's just so many quality lines in this movie it's really unbelievable.

And if it's Tarentino, you know it's going to be a fucking bloodbath. This one is a literal bloodbath as Mr. Orange gushes...gushes SHIT nearly the entire movie until he's bathing in his own blood. And of course we can't forget about the ear scene, the most famous scene in the movie. It's tame by today's standards but the sight of Marvin Nash's deformed head still makes me cringe.

This is a movie made for men who like movies. Not a single fucking woman says a single line in the entire film...now that's a man movie! My favorite of Tarentino's work and a clinic on how to make a quality independent flick.

Why It's Awesome: One of the coolest movies ever made. Guys in suits and shades shoot cops and steal diamonds and argue over which one of them is going to be "Mr. Pussy." Just classic stuff here. And Mr. Blonde holding that milkshake like he doesn't have a care in the world...

Best Lines:

Mr. Blonde: Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite?

Mr. White: What was that? I'm sorry, I didn't catch it. Would you repeat it?

Mr. Blonde: Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite?

Road House (1989)

Ask me what the greatest comedy of the 80's was and I won't answer Caddyshack or National Lampoon's Vacation or Ghostbusters. No, to me, the greatest comedy of the 80's is clear. The answer? ROAD HOUSE!

I know the movie wasn't trying to be funny, but its attempt at making a testosterone-filled "guy movie" backfired and instead borders on gay porn at times. I know Dalton fucks a pretty hot 80's chick at one point but that is easily canceled out by him doing Tai Chi half naked while the fat Santa Clause farmer watches him and beats off and Swayze's gay ballerina dancing throughout the whole movie. Oh, and if we're talking about the gayness we can't forget about the guy with the perm who admits that he fucks men...if that's not gay, I don't know what is.

As cheesy as this movie is at times, it's the dialogue that rockets this film from cheese to EPIC CHEESE! Some of my favorite lines:

"Pain don't hurt."

"I used to fuck guys like you in prison."

"You're too stupid to have a good time."

"Being called a cocksucker isn't personal?"

And the bar being called "The Double Deuce" is just the icing on the cake. Basically the place is called "The Double Shit" which is fitting.

I want to see a remake of this film with Will Ferrell in the Swayze role. You don't have to change anything else. Remake it line for line, scene for scene, with Ferrell as the lead and you've got yourself the greatest comedy ever made. Hollywood, make it happen!

Just remember...pain don't hurt (even though that's the definition of pain).

Why It's Awesome: A bar fight erupts every fifteen minutes and there's a random strip scene with a smoking hot 80's chick for no particular reason. Plus, Road House provides you with quotes that are useful in everyday life. If your boss pisses you off, just tell him, "I used to fuck guys like you in prison." Works like a charm.

Best Quote: Geez...let's see...THE ENTIRE FUCKING MOVIE!

The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

How good is this fucking movie?

Not a huge financial success when it was first released in theaters, I think it's safe to say that Shawshank has become a cult classic with constant showings on cable television, but it's one of those movies that when it's on, you have to watch it. Based on a short story by Stephen King, it's currently rated #1 on IMdB on the top 250 - and, for once, I can't argue.

Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman are as good as it gets in this one. Robbins' low key, barely audiable performance is perfect for the stoic ex-banker turned convict. It's his "Doc Holiday role" in that he'll never be in anything as good for the rest of his career. Freeman is always pretty solid and he's extremely likable in this one as Red, Andy's best friend.

The entire movie is well written, but it's the ending that seals the deal on this one. This ending is right up there with The Sixth Sense...maybe even better in that the first time you watch it, it catches you completely off-guard, but it totally makes sense in its explanation and there are clues along the way. In fact, when you think about all the things that happened earlier in the film, leading to the escape, it blows your mind how well the entire film was constructed.

And then the movie takes on a completely different form when you watch it the second time. The scene where the warden inspects Andy's cell is much more dramatic, considering you know what's at stake for Andy. And the fact that the warden ignores the poster and nearly leaves with Andy's Bible makes the ending that much more satisfying.

It's just an amazing moment when Andy exits that pipe and spills out into the river. And he rips off his shirt and we're looking down on him with the rain pounding against his chest. And in that moment, we feel what he feels: freedom.

Why It's Awesome: A wonderful tale of the power of hope and redemption, even in the darkest of places. Acting, writing, and direction all solid. Dialogue is top-notch. I still get goosebumps during the scene between Andy and Red talking in the yard right before Andy's escape...goosebumps...

Best Quote: It comes down to a simple choice: Either get busy living...or get busy dying.

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)

THAT-JUST-HAPPENED!

You know, it seems like comedians make two kick-ass movies before the quality of their work transforms into a string of hit-or-miss comedies. Adam Sandler had Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore before his hit-or-miss run farted out into a continuous stream of diarrhea. Will Ferrell scored big with Anchorman and then followed that up with the hilarious Talledega Nights...although Ferrell seems to be faring better than Sandler since for every Land of the Lost he comes out with a Step Brothers.

Not that a movie about NASCAR needs much help to be ridiculous but this is another Ferrell comedy where it seems like the actors were told to just walk out on set and start saying a bunch of random bullshit. This one is a QUOTE BONANZA!

Ferrell's got plenty of help out there (mainly from John C. Reilly) and the cast is even more impressive looking back on it four years later. Let's see, we've got:

- John C. Reilly (Step Brothers/Walk Hard)

- Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat...need I say more?)

- Jane Lynch (Glee)

- Amy Adams (Wedding Crashers and a bunch of shitty romantic comedies)

- Jack McBryer (30 Rock - he plays his fucking 30 Rock character)

- Oh, and let's not forget about THE CHAMP!

Honestly, I'm not going to explain why this movie is fucking hilarious. If you don't understand, Tommy will come back there and hit you in the head with a tack hammer. Just remember...SHAKE AND BAKE! As the great Colonol Sanders said, "I'm too drunk...to taste this chicken."

Why It's Awesome: Six Words: Will Ferrell as a Nascar driver...'nuff said.

Best Quote:

Ricky: We like to have a lot of laughs on the track, but today we're here to talk to you about something serious: Packs of wild dogs that control most major cities in North America. If you see a dog, don't call the authories; approach it and lie down.