The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)

One word describes this movie: Underrated

In the midst of the 90's deluge of action flicks, The Long Kiss Goodnight often flies under the radar. No, it doesn't star Stallone or Willis or Arnold. Instead, it stars...Geena Davis. That's right! A decent action flick that stars a chick! A chick may not be able to be president (unless you're...Geena Davis on her shitty canceled TV show), but a bitch can kick ass in a movie.

So let's do the Totally Sweet Action Movie checklist:

1) Main characters escape an explosion by running...CHECK

2) Funny sidekick (preferably a black guy)...CHECK

Umm...can you say Samuel L. "Motha Fuckin'" Jackson? Sidekicks don't get much better than that. He's got so many one-liners in this movie it isn't even funny...oh wait...it IS funny...hilarious even...which is the point...

3) Cocky, sadistic villain...CHECK

In his only significant role of his career, Craig Bierko plays a pretty bad ass bad guy. It's too bad this movie flopped at the box office or else this guy could have been killed by Arnold later on in his career.

4) Cheesy but humorous banter between main character and sidekick....let's check:

Charlie: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Mitch: I hope not because I'm thinking my balls hurt.

Hmm...that's a big CHECK.

5) Main character commemorates killing the main bad guy with a totally sweet one-liner?

In my humble opinion, "Die screaming, mother fucker" is just a notch or two below "Yippee ki yay, mother fucker" so...CHECK!

The movie meets all the necessary requirements to be a TOTALLY SWEET action movie. Is it Predator or Commando? No, but I'd rather see Geena Davis in a hot shower scene than Arnold, that's for damn sure.

Why it's awesome: The Long Kiss Goodnight answers this common question: What happens when a woman with no memory of her past discovers that she's an assassin working for the United States Government? Awesomeness happens...awesomeness...

Best Line:

Henchman (over walkie-talkie): I'm hurt real bad. I - I think I'm dying...

Timothy (over walkie-talkie): Continue dying. Out.