Little Monsters (1989)

Let's just first get something out of the way right from the start: Disney's Monsters Inc. totally ripped off this movie's premise. Monster's Inc. is simply an animated version of this movie. So fuck Disney. Granted, Monster's Inc. is a much better movie than this movie, but still...fuck 'em.

So this movie has something going for it right from the start. It's called KEVIN FUCKING ARNOLD!

That's right, the Wonder Years star himself, Fred Savage (who is always Kevin Arnold to me) stars in this slightly bizarre PG flick from 1989 and everything with Kevin Arnold is awesome (The Wonder Years, The Wizard, The Princess Bride, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia). Don't even bring up Austin Powers 3 because, unfortunately, Beyonce cancels out Kevin Arnold's awesomeness. It's like multiplying a negative and a positive. You get dogshit as a result.

Don't mention this movie either because I've decided that this movie kind of sucks. Even Kevin Arnold can't save this movie from appearing to be nothing more than a Beetlejuice wannabe.

If you're not familiar with this movie, Kevin Arnold keeps getting blamed for causing trouble around his house, but he discovers the trouble's being caused by a monster who lives under his bed. He traps the monster (named Maurice), they become friends, and then the monster takes him to the magical monster world underneath the bed. The monster world is full of kids who chose to become monsters and it's run by an asshole named "Boy" and some nasty blue hunchback guy (Rick Duncommun). The catch is that if a human stays in the monster world after sunrise, that person becomes a monster.

I guess the reason this movie is FAIL (not EPIC FAIL but still FAIL) is that Howie Mandel's portrayal of Maurice is too much like Michael Keaton's portrayal of Beetlejuice and Beetlejuice is just a way better character. Plus the plot is confusing at times and kind of depressing for a PG movie (the parents are separating). Plus, where do all these monsters live in the monster world? They never show any houses or buildings! Plus, why don't they show the main baddie, Boy, until the climax? You're like, "Who the fuck is this guy?" when you finally see him. Then you're like, "Oh, that's Boy?" And why does Boy want Kevin Arnold to stay in the monster world (besides the obvious answer that it's KEVIN FUCKIN' ARNOLD!)? Oh, and why is the guy's name Boy? That's fucking stupid...

So, overall, not a great movie...even with the Kevin Arnold factor considered. If you want to watch a crazy guy cause a bunch of trouble and fuck shit up in a PG environment, watch Beetlejuice, or, better yet, watch DROP DEAD FRED. Fred is one of the most underrated crazy sidekick comedies ever. Watch it, son! And always make sure your apple juice is really apple juice and not someone else's piss!

Why It's Kind of Awesome: Kevin Arnold, bitches...Kevin Arnold...

Best Quote:

[Maurice shanks Kevin Arnold in front of a female monster]

Female Monster: Mmm...nice ass...

(Hilarious for a PG movie)